When I’m feeling like nothings working and I’m never going to change or just anxious, fearful and doubting myself I have a protocol that I follow to so I don’t have to think – I just switch into my fear and doubt busting protocol.
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We all have those days.
The ones where anxiety floods in, self-doubt takes the wheel, and every negative thought seems to confirm that nothing will ever work out.
It feels like being swept along in what one of my business coaches brilliantly called “the river of misery” – a churning current of doom and gloom that carries you downstream while a black cloud hangs overhead.
I’ve spent more time than I’d like to admit in that river this year, particularly while navigating hormonal changes and anxiety.
But here’s what I’ve discovered: having a protocol – a predetermined plan of action – has been absolutely life-changing.
Not only does it help me climb out of the river faster, but knowing I have this safety net actually prevents me from falling in as often.
Why You Need a Protocol (Not Just Willpower)
When you’re drowning in negative emotions, your brain isn’t exactly firing on all cylinders. It’s nearly impossible to think clearly or see solutions when you’re in that fragile mental state.
That’s precisely why having a protocol decided ahead of time is so powerful – you don’t have to think, you just follow the steps.
Since implementing my protocol a couple of months ago, I’ve noticed two remarkable changes:
1. I get out faster: What used to be hours or days of wallowing now resolves much more quickly
2. I fall in less often: Just knowing I have a way out has reduced my anxiety about having anxiety (yes, that’s a thing!)
The confidence that comes from knowing you can handle the river makes you less afraid of it. And when you’re not afraid of something, it tends to show up less frequently in your life.
My Six-Step River of Misery Protocol
Here’s the exact protocol I follow when I feel myself slipping into that familiar current of fear and doubt:
Step 1: Get Outside (Or At Least Look Outside)
The first thing I do is head outdoors if possible. If the weather is terrible or I can’t leave, I sit by a window and look at nature. There’s something about connecting with the natural world that immediately starts to lighten the load and shift my mental state.
Step 2: Brain Dump the Anxious Thoughts
I grab my journal and let it all spill out onto paper – every anxious, fearful thought gets its moment. No judgment, no fancy prompts, just raw mental spillage. I keep writing until I start to feel bored with my own drama, which is usually when I know I’ve gotten it all out.
Step 3: Tap Through the Negativity
This is where I use EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) or “tapping.” I go back through my list of anxious thoughts and literally tap on specific points on my body while saying each thought out loud, followed by “Even though [insert terrible thought], I deeply and completely love and accept myself.”
The tapping points are: side of the hand, top of the head, between the eyebrows, side of the eye, under the eye, under the nose, on the collarbone, under the arm, and back to the hand. It might sound weird, but the combination of physical tapping, voicing the thoughts, and self-acceptance creates a powerful calming effect.
Step 4: Practice Forgiveness
I use a Hawaiian forgiveness practice called Ho’oponopono. I read each anxious thought, cross it off, and say: “I’m sorry, I forgive you, I love you, thank you.” It’s like erasing these thoughts from my mental hard drive while offering myself compassion for having them in the first place.
Step 5: Check In With My Heart
This is perhaps the most powerful step. I simply ask my heart: “What do I really need right now?” The answer is always there, and it’s always different. Sometimes it’s “climb the monkey bars,” sometimes it’s “make tea,” sometimes it’s “call a friend” or “go for a run.” My heart always knows the next right step.
Step 6: Follow Through and Be Tender
Whatever my heart suggests, I do it. And if I’m still not feeling completely better afterward, I practice being tender with myself rather than forcing positivity.
Creating Your Own Protocol
Your protocol doesn’t need to be as elaborate as mine. In fact, it might be just one simple action.
One of my clients simply goes for a walk and does verbal journaling out loud.
Another just writes out their anxious thoughts. The key is to identify what soothes YOU when you’re in that fragile state.
Consider these questions as you design your protocol:
- What activities have helped you feel better in the past?
- What grounds you when you’re spiraling?
- What would feel like an act of self-care in those moments?
Remember, this is a work in progress. Start with what you know works, and don’t be afraid to experiment and adjust as you learn more about what serves you.
Permission to Prioritize Your Mental State
Here’s a bonus tip that’s been crucial for me: When you’re in the river of misery, nothing productive happens anyway.
Even if you try to push through and work, you’re operating at maybe 20% capacity. Taking 30 minutes to work through your protocol is actually an investment in productivity, not a waste of time.
I’ve had to coach myself on this repeatedly – processing emotions and getting to a better mental state isn’t selfish or indulgent. It’s strategic. It’s what allows you to show up as your best self for everything and everyone else in your life.
The Bottom Line
While I hope you never need to use your protocol, the reality is that you’re human with a human brain. There will be times when you find yourself in the river of misery, and that’s okay. It’s not a character flaw or a sign of weakness – it’s just part of the human experience.
What matters is that you have a plan. Write it down. Put it in your journal, save it in your phone, make it easily accessible.
Because when that river starts pulling you under, you won’t have to figure out how to swim – you’ll already know exactly which strokes to take.
Having this protocol has been genuinely life-changing for me this year.
It’s transformed my relationship with difficult emotions from one of fear and resistance to one of acceptance.
I know that no matter how strong the current gets, I have my way back to shore.
And so can you.
In your corner,
Jules xx
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